Small Shoulders, Big Feelings: Teaching Self-Regulation in Nursery

In the bright, busy world of a nursery classroom, you’ll see small children navigating enormous emotions—joy, frustration, pride, disappointment—sometimes all in the space of a few minutes. These big feelings can overwhelm even the most confident little learners, but learning how to manage them is a crucial step in early development.

Self-regulation—the ability to recognise, understand, and manage one’s emotions and behaviours—is one of the most important skills nursery children can develop. It sets the foundation for resilience, positive social relationships, and lifelong mental wellbeing.

So, how can early years educators and families help toddlers and preschoolers grow the skills to handle their feelings with more confidence and calm? Let’s explore why self-regulation matters and the gentle, practical ways nurseries can nurture it.

Why Self-Regulation Matters in Early Childhood

Imagine a child who feels frustrated when they can’t fit a puzzle piece or sad when a friend doesn’t want to share. In these moments, self-regulation is what helps them pause before grabbing, shouting, or bursting into tears.

Children who develop self-regulation early tend to:

• Form stronger friendships

• Experience less anxiety in new situations

• Find it easier to focus and learn

• Recover more quickly from setbacks

Research shows that early self-regulation skills are even linked to higher academic achievement and better health outcomes later in life.

How Nurseries Lay the Foundations

High-quality nursery settings are designed not only to teach letters and numbers but to create safe, responsive environments where children feel secure enough to explore their emotions.

At the best nursery herne hill, for example, practitioners use consistent routines, warm relationships, and patient coaching to help children build trust and resilience. When toddlers feel safe, they are more able to practice managing big feelings.

Key Strategies That Support Self-Regulation

Here are some of the most effective ways nurseries help little learners grow this essential skill:

Naming Emotions

Young children often act out because they don’t have the words to explain what they feel. By modelling simple language—“You look sad,” “You seem frustrated,” “You are so excited!”—educators teach children to label emotions instead of simply reacting.

Over time, children begin to recognise feelings in themselves and others, which is the first step in learning to manage them.

Using Visual Supports

Visual tools like emotion charts, feeling faces, and calming posters give children concrete ways to identify and communicate their feelings. A child who can point to a picture of an angry face is already learning to externalise and process that emotion.

Practising Calming Techniques

Self-regulation doesn’t come naturally; it must be practised. Many nurseries incorporate calming strategies into the daily routine:

• Deep breathing (“Smell the flower, blow out the candle”)

• Counting slowly to five

• Squeezing a soft toy

• Having a quiet space or cozy corner

These simple practices help children learn that big feelings are not dangerous—and that they can find ways to soothe themselves.

Encouraging Problem-Solving

When children feel upset because of conflict over toys or turn-taking, educators can guide them through peaceful problem-solving steps:

• Stop and breathe

• Say how you feel

• Listen to your friend

• Think of a solution together

This approach builds empathy, communication, and a sense of agency.

The Role of Relationships

Above all, the quality of the relationship between educator and child is the key to self-regulation. Children need to know that an adult will be there to help them co-regulate—calming down together—until they can do it on their own.

Warm, consistent, and predictable interactions give children the confidence to keep trying, even when emotions feel overwhelming.

Home and School Partnership

Families play an essential part in supporting self-regulation. When nurseries and parents use similar language and strategies, children feel more secure and learn faster.

At herne hill school nursery, practitioners often share tips with families on how to model calm behaviour, use feeling words, and practice simple breathing exercises at home. This collaboration ensures that self-regulation is reinforced in all parts of a child’s life.

Final Thoughts

Small shoulders can carry very big feelings. But with patient support, a nurturing environment, and consistent strategies, nursery children can learn to understand, express, and manage their emotions.

These early lessons in self-regulation don’t just make the nursery day smoother—they build the emotional strength and resilience that will carry children through every stage of life.